Romance With an Illegal Alien?

I met Veronica, an attractive young woman from El Salvador who works next door to my place of employment. What was so special about Veronica was her relaxed outgoing attitude towards me, a total stranger. I was not flirting or trying to score a pick-up; only being friendly as I enjoy interacting with monolingual Spanish speakers. She seemed to have greatly appreciated the gesture and was pleasantly surprised at my ability to hold a sustained Spanish-speaking conversation.

Veronica reminds me of the women I met in Venezuela who were open, relaxed, friendly, and conversational; even to strangers. Almost every time I'd smile at a woman, I'd get a happy, enthusiastic smile in return. Each time Veronica and I met, our conversations got longer and we learned more about each other. I told her about my visit to El Salvador a few years ago while on my way to Perú and this gave us more to talk about.

More recently, I asked about her weekend and her family and learned that she is single with no children. She immediately asked about my marital/parental status and appeared elated that my status was the same, and wanted to talk more. It was as though she was waiting for me to suggest that we move our acquaintance to another level. That's when an alarm went off in my head about her motive.

As a single man, I've been approached by women from Africa, Asia, and Latin-America who wanted to marry me or have a friend or relative marry me to obtain legal status in the U.S. I then asked her how she herself got into the country. She explained that she entered the US with the aid of a coyote, one who makes a living smuggling undocumented immigrants across the U.S. border for a fee that can be as high as $5,000.

Although I will not snitch and hope to enjoy a friendship with the very nice, and seemingly down-to-earth woman that she appears to be, romance is out of the question. I'm certainly open to a relationship with an immigrant, but not with legal baggage. You never know if a real attraction is involved or if it is just a scheme, a means to an end. The divorce rate among Americans is high enough, yet the divorce rate among Americans married to illegal aliens is much higher. After three years when the illegal alien becomes a legal resident, the American spouse generally gets dumped if there is no mutual agreement to part ways.

I learned my lesson from being once romantically involved with a Nigerian woman who treated me like the proverbial king with her cooking and everything else you can imagine. Then one day, she sat on my lap telling me that she inadvertently overstayed her student visa, and is now in the country illegally. She offered me a measly $6,000 to marry her so she can get her papers, then sponsor her—“real husband” and “three children” to enter the US. Naturally, I eased myself out of this relationship and told her to never call me again. Of course, I proceeded expeditiously to “lose” all of her contact information.

Ecuadorian Woman Proposes to Me

I'll call her Yola (not her real name). She's an attractive woman who lives in Ecuador's predominately Black City of Esmeraldas, a city on my list of places to visit and experience the Black heritage, and learn more about their Black writers and poets llike Nelson Estumpiñan Bass and Antonio Preciado Bedoya. Yola often posts gorgeous pictures of herself on Facebook with her blackberry, and I would often flirt because of it. I heard through the grapevine that she liked me, and I even toyed with the idea of bringing her back to the US or even staying with her in Ecuador where the cost of living is so cheap that you can live comfortably off a social security check. In fact, Ecuador is considered one of the best places in the world to retire.

Well, after more than three years of Facebook friendship, Yola pops the expected proposal, telling me that she wants me to bring her to the US. I've always been suspicious of foreign women when it comes to relationships as I've been approached by women from 10 different countries, including India, of all places, who wanted to marry me for a green card. In fact, I have developed a special line for foreign women who express a serious interest in me. If they are up front telling me they just want a green card, I charge $100K. No one is going to pay me that kind of money so the conversation ends. In Yola's case, I told her that I would like to stay in Ecuador with her so she can be with her family, and I too will be a part of her family. She became very quiet. What else is new...?

A Foreign Women Loves Me; Loves Me Not!

I met Juana María (not her real name) on Facebook months before my 2010 trip to Perú. A separate Spanish-speaking Facebook account has already been opened in order to meet people in Latin-American countries that I planed to visit, preferably Afro-Latinos. A female is a plus. My primary motive for making Facebook friends in Latin-America is to have strong social connections to make my trips more personable and enjoyable. This worked nicely in Venezuela and Colombia, and very nicely in Perú and Ecuador. And to this day, this practice is still working for future trips.

I wonder if Juana would have had the same interest in me if I were from the community. Is she interested in me or where I'm from?

When Juana's name and photo came up on my Facebook page as a friend suggestion, I looked over the available information in her profile and saw that she is from Chincha, Perú; my home away from home where I've been traveling since 2005 and established close ties with people in the community. I immediately sent her a friendship request. She responded with a personal e-mail in over-anxious attempts to get to know me. Almost daily, she would look me up on Facebook to see if I was on line to initiate conversations.

We both learned that she and I knew the same people in and around Chincha. I asked my Facebook friends in Chincha, Perú about Juana María, one of whom, confirmed my suspicions. His exact words translated into English were, “she would love to have a wealthy, classy man like you (a lot of people in third-world countries think all Americans are in the same income bracket as Donald Trump).” A local doctor warned me that she likes to take advantage of foreigners. None of this surprised me, for with my travel experience and even here in the US, I've been approached by women from The Philippines, Cuba, India, Nigeria, Nicaragua, Mexico, and Ethiopia with only one thing in mind---obtaining a resident alien card to live in the US.

I've been approached by women from The Philippines, Cuba, India, Nigeria, Nicaragua, Mexico, and Ethiopia with only one thing in mind.

However, I took all of my Facebook friend's comments with a grain of salt. After all, I was not in Perú to find a woman, I was in Perú to immerse myself in the Spanish language and the culture, particularly black culture. I even took Juana and her 14-year-old son out to a popular Peruvian soul food restaurant called Mamainé. On another occasion, I rented a van and took her, her son, and 15 others to the beach, and after wards, to a restaurant for a roasted chicken dinner. Juana María stayed close by me throughout the day, and even gave me that extended gaze of interest. I continued to maintain the “friend-ship.” My heart was focused on everyone having a good time.

I wonder if Juana would have had the same interest in me if I were from her community. Would she even notice the content of my character or would she even care? Is she interested in me or is she interested in where I'm from? Juana María is a good-looking woman, why hasn't she already found her prince? As much as I like to travel, will I ever be open to bringing home a wife? Who knows! However, I see nothing wrong with finding someone where there is a mutual attraction, mutual interests, and complementary characters right here in the USA.

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Marriage? I Don't “Think” So!

Luisa of Havana

Travel & Marriage to a Foreigner?

Today, I got into an online chat with a dear female friend I met in Perú over a year ago. As a dear friend, I truly love her. In this particular conversation, she, to my surprise, popped the question; marry her so she can come to the USA. I explained to her that when I marry, it will be for love and nothing less.

As a single guy, I've been approached by women from nine different countries about marriage. Most were up front about their motive and even offered me several thousand dollars. María, the Peruvian-American owner of a café that I frequent in the mornings, asked if I will be looking for someone special when I return to Perú. My mind went back to my trip to Cuba where I met Luisa who immediately begged me to take her back home to the USA. It was evident through her behavior that true love was not in the equation, especially when I suggested that I stay in Cuba to be with her. That shut her up! I had only two reasons for being in Cuba in the first place----language and cultural immersion and the development of my salsa dancing skills. Making lifetime “friendships” was a big plus, but marriage? I don't “think” so!

It was evident through her behavior that true love was not in the equation, especially when I suggested that I stay in Cuba to be with her. That shut her up!

My fourth and most recent trip to Perú was no different from my trip to Cuba, or any other country that I've visited; it was strictly for language and cultural immersion. Making lifetime “friendships“ was a plus.

Fortunately, I have several family-like connections in Perú. People whom I love and respect as members of the African diaspora. I especially look forward to seeing Daniela, my goddaughter and her family to whom I frequently call and send money. When I'm in Perú, we have a great time playing games, going to parks, the beach, children play centers, to dinners, and eating ice cream.

There are too many cases of men and women marrying someone from a different country only to burned when their spouses acquire permanent resident status.


But marriage? Ummm, I don't “think” so! At least not to someone who doesn't legally reside in the USA. There are too many cases of men and women marrying someone from a different country only to be burned when their spouses acquire permanent resident status. María, who herself knows of such cases, told me that I shouldn't blame them for they are only looking for a better life. Although, I can understand looking for a better life, but feigning love and breaking the hearts of those who who truly love them is not the answer; in fact, it's corruption. If I meet and marry a woman, she will either be a citizen of the United States of America, or at least, a permanent resident alien already.

She Loves Me... She Loves Me Not!

Luisa of Havana